I spent a large part of my life walking on eggshells around one of my sisters.
For so many years it seemed that no matter what I did or didn’t do, it would cause challenges and problems.
I stopped being myself in her presence.
I was fearful of family events for so many years.
I would lose sleep over them.
Then one day, I noticed it had all changed.
Nothing on the outside changed at first, it was all within me.
It was all let go of.
Then the outside began to change.
And it transformed my experience of family.
Here are the 5 changes you might notice when you have let go and are at peace.
- You Feel Safe To Be Yourself
I stopped being myself for so long around my sister.
When she decided to get mad at the family, things I did 6 months ago would be brought up.
It got to the point where me breathing was enough to be a problem.
And everyone else in the family went through this too.
When she left, the tension left my body. I could relax and be me.
When the day arrived that I was just myself, in her presence, regardless of the consequences of that, everything shifted.
The entire energy around us and between us changed.
You get to this point where you can no longer hide who you are.
You are just you around the family members who are most triggered by you.
It is a very liberating feeling.
- You Wish Them All The Best
For quite a number of years, I have been wishing my sister all the best in her life.
I genuinely wish her a very happy life with all her dreams coming true.
I just didn’t feel the need to be part of it.
Or contribute to it.
One of the misunderstandings about family is that we collectively, as a society, believe that we need to be part of their lives.
This is not true.
Sometimes healing family relationships actually means stepping back.
Stepping back doesn’t mean cutting off or cutting out, it means stepping back.
And that is what I did.
I stepped back and wished her joy and happiness from my heart.
And I was very ok with that having nothing to do with me.
Since I made that decision I can celebrate her successes with her when I see her.
I can see the joy she is finding in life.
The interesting part of this place is, I don’t need her to celebrate mine in order to feel good.
I just wish her happiness with no conditions or expectations attached.
- No Longer Emotionally Connected
For quite a number of years, I would get phone calls from my mother asking me what I did to my sister and why was she upset.
Most of the time I didn’t have a clue.
It would blindside me.
It would knock me around for days, sometimes weeks.
Because she was family, my sibling, I was very emotionally connected.
Again, another misconception about family healing in our society is that we are meant to be emotionally connected to be a good family member and this too isn’t true.
Sometimes healing family patterns involves letting go emotionally.
Detangling yourself from the emotional drama allows you to step into your heart and really feel what is really best for you in this relationship.
It allows you to be true to yourself and put yourself first and honour your feelings.
It frees up energy that was once waking you up at 3am, time spent mulling over conversations and worrying about what you might have do that will be brought up next time.
Cut from the emotional connection by sending their energy back to them.
This is done with a great amount of love.
For about 6 months, when the relationship took up my thinking space, I would say to myself “this is yours, not mine, I send it back for you to heal” and energetically send it back.
- You Don’t Need Their Permission To Succeed In Life
This might seem like a strange one.
But I actually held myself back from success because she had created a lot of unhappiness in her life.
I had worked so hard to build the life I wanted and she was very unhappy.
It was almost like my happiness, joy and wins were rubbing it in her face.
And subconsciously I was holding myself back.
I didn’t realize it at first.
It came up in a healing session and then I noticed it.
I was holding myself back in every area of life.
And that day I stopped needing her permission to succeed.
So if you have a difficult family relationship check in and really feel, are you holding yourself back?
- You Are No Longer Triggered
This is the biggest and most obvious sign.
I just stopped being triggered by my sister.
Phone calls, comments, non-verbal’s, energetic messages … they all stopped impacting me.
They all washed off me like water off a duck’s back.
The above four tips all came together and I stopped being triggered.
My sister was a huge trigger for me and to no longer be able to press those buttons was incredible.
Has this article been helpful? Given you something to think about? Let me know by leaving me a comment.
Helena Ryan lives in Brisbane Australia with her husband, son and border collie. She works with clients all around the world and is a manifesting master. When she’s not working she’s reading books, going camping or bushwalking or playing diggers with her son in the sandpit. She loves to garden and travel. She has served in the Australian Army and spent a decade as a Primary School Teacher. In 2011 she helped her husband clear his cancer, a 6x4x2” tumour around his lungs.
P.S. If this resonated with you, I work with female entrepreneurs from all around the world to identify how their ancestral lineage is impacting their business and their personal life. I offer a free 30 minute Compatibility Conversation where you can find out more about clearing your ancestral lineage or follow me on my Facebook Page.