I remember when I started down the spiritual journey pathway.
Between the coach I was working with and the books I was reading, I was introduced to a whole new world.
One I didn’t really know existed.
I was healing and changing so much.
It was impacting every area of my life in such a good way.
I was hooked.
Once that door opens, there was no going back.
What caught me by surprise was that my husband was watching me grow and change.
Watching me become a happier and healthier person.
Our marriage was improving.
My outlook on life transformed.
Yet, he just wasn’t interested in doing any of this for himself.
He was happy to support me but he had no interest for him.
I didn’t get it.
Why wouldn’t he want some of this?
It wasn’t until he found himself in an Oncology Ward with a 6x4x2” tumour around his heart and lungs that he finally asked to get in on the action.
It took knocking on death’s door for my husband.
So many women I meet are the same.
They are the ones opening this doorway for their families.
I’m going to acknowledge that this is not the case for every man and women out there. This is a general observation I’ve seen in my work and with the women I work. For the vast majority of them, this has been their experience. If it’s not, wonderful and pass this blog onto a friend who might benefit from it.
Being the first to venture into this.
Some of them a lucky, like me, to have a husband who doesn’t get it but is supportive.
And some of them have husband’s who are unsupportive or just don’t get it.
And it saddens me when I hear some husbands making fun of something that their wives is really passionate about, especially spiritual development.
It can be tricky and frustrating.
It honestly drove me insane and often made me feel like we were living on two different planets.
Sometimes I grew and changed so fast it caused divide between us and then the rate would slow down and we’d come back together again.
What do you do when you have a husband who doesn’t seem interested or even makes fun of this work?
How do you continue down your pathway of growth and development when all it seems to do is forge a bigger gap between the two of you?
Over the past several generations men have not really connected into emotions.
Yes, there may be a few in your family, but generally I see a major disconnect of emotions going on in men.
Those who have connected with emotions, it often takes quite a bit of work and a sense of trauma to trigger it.
They have always held a space of working hard, feeding the family and surviving with emotions being shut down and avoided.
Men are practical and resourcesful, finding solutions.
When you connect to the world beyond our world, it’s a feeling world.
We sense energy through our feeling body.
We connect with emotions through feeling.
Our intuition, our gut instinct, is a feeling centre.
The language our subconscious speaks is all through feeling and colour.
Yet, historically, a man’s world is quite different to this.
So for them to step into the same space you are in you need to recognize they have a few more hurdles then us to overcome.
Another hurdle is the embedded cultural belief system has plagued a lot of our male ancestors.
If you feel and show it, it is a weakness and you will get attacked.
It’s still strong through the men of our world.
So you are also asking them to feel and drop their guard at the same time.
It’s a big deal and they are most likely not conscious about why they have resistance around it.
And if triggered, it’s why they might make fun of or even “put down” what it is you are doing.
So what to do?
- Recognise your partner’s rate of growth is different
While women tend to step into spiritual development in a big way, men need to take time.
Remember, we are dealing with generations of beliefs that emotions are not felt and to be vulnerable means you will be attacked.
They need to process it and think about it.
Or as my dad says, “naval gaze” – staring at your belly button and think for a while.
For the most part, many men just don’t step into this growth as quickly as we do so give them some space to process what you are sharing with them.
And they are listening.
I spent years sharing information I’d been learning with my husband thinking he wasn’t paying attention.
Then one day he started to parrot back to me and call me on stuff.
I was shocked.
- Speak in his language
So as women, we squatted around fire pits for generations solving everything as a group of women, delving into details and looking each other in the eye.
Men hunted side by side in silence.
So sitting him down, giving him a book and saying you “have to read this it will help you” can be overwhelming and create a lot of resistance.
Trust me, I have learnt the hard way.
Dropping it into conversation and make it about you instead about him can help.
I often shared with my husband by saying “I read this and found it really interesting” and said nothing more.
If he asked questions, great, if not, great too.
Sharing in the car.
Some of the best conversations we’ve had are in the car because he has to look ahead, not at me, and he can’t escape!
If there was one thing I did that made the biggest difference to him accepting my spiritual growth, it was this.
One day I told him that no matter how much I grew or changed.
I still loved him.
That this work I was doing was helping me understand myself, appreciate him more and value our relationship.
That even if I was becoming a “better” person and he didn’t, it didn’t change.
I acknowledge that this isn’t something that is appropriate for everyone. But if it is, it’s a game changer.
- Love him for where he is at
I find women who grow fast and change rapidly find themselves with a strong stable man.
These men are grounded, practical, strong and nothing much phases them.
My husband is a rock. My rock.
He is stable and consistent in all the ways I am not.
Without his grounded way of being, I wouldn’t have my feet planted flat on the earth in the way I do.
Without him, I simply couldn’t do this work.
It’s a blessing
… and a challenge at the same time.
Because his groundedness keeps me stable in times of growth yet is also the reason he hasn’t had any interest in personal development.
Making it a little harder to step into change.
Love them where they are at.
Whether they prefer football over soccer.
Have an outdoor job or work in an office.
Prefer camping over the beach.
Or if they venture into personal and spiritual development or not.
I hope this has helped.
Helena Ryan lives in Brisbane Australia with her husband, son and border collie. When she’s not working she’s reading books, going camping or bushwalking or playing diggers with her son in the sandpit. She loves to garden and travel. She has served in the Australian Army and spent a decade as a Primary School Teacher. In 2011 she helped her husband clear his cancer, a 6x4x2” tumour around his lungs.
P.S. If this resonated with you, I work with female entrepreneurs from all around the world to identify how their ancestral lineage is impacting their business and their personal life. Find out how your Ancestral Lineage is impacting your journey or follow me on my Facebook Page.