I have come to appreciate just how powerful validation is as a healing tool.
To have someone sit with you and hear what you are saying and experiencing and tell you “what you are feeling is ok” is incredibly healing.
When we are told that what we are feeling is not ok it shuts down the energy and emotion inside our bodies holding it there unless it is healed and dealt with.
When our emotional pain is ignored or quickly forgotten about, it too shuts energy down within us.
So many of our ancestors have not had access to the tools, resources and opportunities to heal.
Life was very much about physical survival.
As we move towards emotional survival many of these wounds are rising up within us, within our children to be healed and released.
A big part of healing that is needed is that our ancestors have never had their feelings validated.
I’ve lost count of times I’ve come across this when working with clients and their ancestors.
> Women give birth to stillborn babies, bury them and head back to work an hour later without anyone asking if they are ok.
The experience gets shut down inside their body.
> Boys who cry are told to suck it up, get over it and stop being a sissy shut down the pain, hurt and disconnect from all emotions.
They learn emotions aren’t safe and never express them again.
> Men who have experienced war or war like experiences don’t feel safe to open up about how they feel.
The trauma is held inside their cells, their bodies and carried forward.
This energy doesn’t go away, even when they have dropped their physical body. The energy gets passed down the line and impacts the next generations.
So we can easily access within us the emotions, traumas and patterns of our ancestors.
The way to break this for the future generations is to validate our children’s emotions … whatever they might be.
1) Let them know that what they are feeling for that situation they are experiencing is right for them.
You don’t have to agree with them or the emotional response they have had.
Yet you can hold that space for them to feel whatever it is they are feeling.
Often children express emotions after an event.
So if they get emotional over being asked to tidy up the sand pit and come inside for dinner, it often has nothing to do with the sandpit.
Letting them express emotions releases them.
But we also need to place boundaries around this expression, such as, no hitting or throwing toys.
2) Let them learn that emotions will not kill them.
So many men and women have a fear of emotions.
Fear of expressing them.
Fear of what other’s emotions might do to them.
Fear of what their emotions might do to others.
So many of us learn to keep emotions shut down and hidden.
The men in both my husband’s and my family line all have learnt emotions are a “no-go” zone.
And emotions aren’t easily accessed by the men in my life.
We want a different experience for our son.
We want him to learn that emotions won’t kill him.
So we let him feel them.
It’s not pretty and more often than not, triggers something in us.
And in the feeling of them, he learns they can’t hurt him.
He also learns that he can express them and what he feels is ok and most importantly, emotions won’t be stuck inside his body.
Holding this space for the children in your life is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
The gift of emotional intelligence is one that these children are calling in.
Let me know how you go.
Helena Ryan lives in Brisbane Australia with her husband, son and border collie. She works with clients all around the world and is a manifesting master. When she’s not working she’s reading books, going camping or bushwalking or playing diggers with her son in the sandpit. She loves to garden and travel. She has served in the Australian Army and spent a decade as a Primary School Teacher. In 2011 she helped her husband clear his cancer, a 6x4x2” tumour around his lungs.
P.S. If this resonated with you, I work with female entrepreneurs from all around the world to identify how their ancestral lineage is impacting their business and their personal life. I offer a free 30 minute Compatibility Conversation where you can find out more about clearing your ancestral lineage or follow me on my Facebook Page.